Posts by bunboy

Salmon Tartare – $16

Little Italy is chock filled with poor reviewed, run down Italian eateries who have all seen better days. They all appear to be from the same era, never remodeled since then. Like Grandma’s dish towel, that she’ll never get rid of. Still gets the job done but not something you parade around company.

Gelso & Grand changes all that. It’s located in the heart of LI, so you can still dine in prime people watching country without having to pay $25 for mediocre spaghetti while seated in dirty plastic lawn chairs stolen from a hillbilly’s wedding.

We had a large group, so we were able to try a bunch of stuff. The gnocchi with braised lamb sauce was definitely the stand out but my Kale Caesar really hit the spot as well.

The pizza and meatballs were both above average but I wouldn’t chose either as my only meal option.

Little Italy is my favorite neighborhood in the city. I love wondering the streets in the summer, admiring all the chaos. Or sitting outside at one of the mediocre restaurants and watching the plethora of people walk by.

With the arrival of Gelso & Grand, I can come enjoy one of my favorite pastimes without having to choke down bad wine and Costco frozen ravioli.

186 Grand St
New York, NY 10013
b/t Baxter St & Centre Market Pl
Little Italy
(212) 226-1600
gelsoandgrand.com

Kale Caesar – $15

Burrata Bruschetta – $11

Meatballs – $13

Margarita Pizza – $16

Brown Butter Gnocchi with braised lamb, hazelnuts, piave cheese – $25

CRISPY BAO BUNS
brisket / crunchy asian slaw / sesame $19

Vandal is an enormous, nightclub-esque restaurant in the LES that serves the modern equivalent to Asian Fusion, AKA: “Street Food”.

“Street Food” is the new “Asian Fusion”.

Since Asian Fusion (do I have to keep putting ” ” around that??) is so 90’s, restaurants are rebranding the same kind of cuisine to a fresh, millennial market. “Street Food” sounds so edgy and dubsteppy! Asian Fusion is more Zero Seven.

“Fusion” sounds like the name of some hot new nightclub that Kelly Taylor and Brenda Walsh would use their fake ID’s to sneak into but Dylan would be too cool to even bother with. “You guys are going to Fusion?? Such sheep.”

He’s probably mixed up in some kind of scheme with the owner and couldn’t even show his face if he wanted to!

Oh Dylan, grow up!

In case you aren’t immediately aware when you start to skim the menu but you are being charged heavily to help the owners recoup the costs of the décor. The rent must be grotesque and the décor does not appear to have been brought about thriftily, regardless of the futuristic Asian Nagel painting vibe going on. Definitely save your pennies for this meal.

What was the best dish?

The Crispy Eggplant, by far. So good, in fat, that we ordered a SECOND round of it! I can’t recall ever doing that in my existence before. That’s how good it was.

Everything else? Not worth ordering seconds of, but not worth spitting out your bite and storming off in a huff. Also, if that does happen, I need to hear details as you’ve clearly had some sort of mental break and I’m fascinated by it!

199 Bowery
New York, NY 10002
b/t Spring St & Rivington St
Lower East Side
(212) 400-0199
vandalnewyork.com

BANH MI’EATBALL SLIDER*
spicy pork meatball / foie gras mousse / pickled this and that $9 EACH

CRISPY EGGPLANT
miso glaze $14

CRISPY BAO BUNS
brisket / crunchy asian slaw / sesame $19

BLUE CORN AL PASTOR QUESADILLA
spit roasted pork / pineapple salsa / avocado $15

SPICY KOREAN RICE CAKES
mizuna kimchi $14

KNISH REUBEN
corned beef / sauerkraut / swiss / thousand island $15

Grilled Cheese Dumpling (on spoon filled with tomato soup)

Beauty and Essex is the perfect place to get your Boozy Brunch on without all the ear-piercing music, awful food or drunk AF girls in micro mini’s trying to navigate the cumbersome cobblestone streets of the Meatpacking in their stilettos (I’m talking to you, Bagatelle).

While watching these intoxicated gals hold onto one another for dear life is certainly entertaining, I definitely do not desire to step foot inside one of these places to experience just how loud the thumping music sounds from the inside. I would need to be sufficiently wasted beforehand.

The star dish at this sorta hidden (but not really) LES hotspot would have to be the Grilled Cheese Dumplings. I mean, need I go on? No? Well, fine. I won’t. Just to spite you.

My other favorite dish were the chilaquiles. Loved the spicy green sauce that came with it.

B & E has an extensive menu, and I don’t think anyone disliked their meal. Some items (such as the Juicy Lucy sausage biscuit) were on the smaller side, so perhaps do some research ahead of time if you’re a hungry hungry hippo.

The service was friendly, the drinks were fun and potent and the place is spacious and gorgeous. No matter what time of day you show up, you can’t go wrong. Unless you’re having some sort of personal crisis that day, and then everything will suck, regardless.

I can’t help you there.

Essex St
New York, NY 10002
b/t Stanton St & Rivington St
Lower East Side
(212) 614-0146
beautyandessex.com

You enter the restaurant through an upscale pawn shop. My friend appears beyond delighted that I’m snapping her photo.

Beauty Elixir
Hendricks gin, cucumber, strawberry, sparkling rosé

Grilled Cheese, Smoked Bacon &
Tomato Soup Dumplings – $16

Hmm, no clue what this was. Roasted red peppers on toast?

Fried Chicken Biscuit Bites
tabasco honey butter, red cabbage slaw – $15

‘Juicy Lucy’ Sausage Biscuit
housemade pimento cheese stuffed country sage sausage

‘Eggs Benedict’* 14
jamon serrano, hollandaise

Maryland Crab Cake BLT
romaine, tomato, crispy bacon, old bay aioli – $19

‘Everything Bagel & Lox’ Pizzetta
american paddlefish roe, caper berries, cheddar cream cheese – $16

Chilaquiles*
hand pulled chicken, sunny side up egg, cotija cheese, pickled red onion – $17

Lemon Blackberry Pancakes 12
sweet ricotta

Black Bottomed Butterscotch Pot de Crème
coconut Chantilly – $14

Mamak Dumplings

I think I’ve only been to one or two Malaysian restaurants in my time. Why aren’t there more?? The food is outstanding!

Mamak offers Thai and Vietnamese food in addition to Malaysian, but why bother with all that noise when you can order the Beef Rendang, which was bursting with flavor.

The Mamak dumplings, smothered in peanut sauce, are also another must order.

My very favorite eateries are all located in the East Village or Lower East Side. What is the West Side’s problem?!

174 2nd Ave
New York, NY 10003
b/t 12th St & 11th St
East Village
(347) 394-5085
lovemamakny.com

Wonton Soup

Mussels

Rendang Nasi Lemak
Coconut-pandanus jasmine rice, rendang curry, hardboiled egg, sambal chilies, pineapple achat, cucumbers, roasted peanuts.

The interior of Nicoletta reminds me of some fancy college dining hall. Have I ever been inside a fancy dining hall before? Well….No. But if I were boring enough to dream about fancy college dining halls, this would be what it looks like.

I only have a couple of facts to share with you, I know we’ve all got a lot on our plates today.

Nicoletta is super duper casual (as fancy college dining halls in my dreams tend to be, probably) and the pizza is on the thicker and very tasty. I ate much more than I had intended to and was punished later.

My goal in this fair city is to try and visit every major NY pizza joint at least once. So, I’m glad I got to check out Nicoletta.

The problem is that you can find good pizza virtually everywhere in this city. There’s no reason for me to cross town for a slice I can get just around the corner in my own hood.

Which is why I’ll never return to the unremarkable but delicious Nicoletta. Except maybe in my dreams.

160 2nd Ave
New York, NY 10003
United States
b/t 11th St & 10th St
East Village
212-432-1600
nicolettapizza.com

CALABRESE $24
thick cut pepperoni, fennel sausage
red onions, pomodoro, mozzarella

PROSCIUTTO $24
prosciutto di parma, ricotta
caramelized onions, agro dolce

The King Salami – Hot and Sweet Sopressata, Finocchiona, Red Peppers

When Speedy Romeo opened up in the Lower East Side (their first outpost is in Brooklyn), it was all the buzz on Eater NY.

I had attempted to brunch at the Brooklyn location but decided the lengthy wait was not worth it. But the place seemed charming and full of character, so I earmarked it for a future visit.

Speedy Romeo LES tries to infuse their decor with some quirkiness but the place doesn’t have nearly the same heart as the Brooklyn one. There was something a little too new about it.

Our nice and thin pepperoni pizza was…well…nice but overshadowed by the really fantastic meatball sub. That mammoth platter of meaty bready goodness really wowed me. Made me wish I hadn’t filled up on all that pizza.

We started with the mozzarella bruschetta appetizer, which was also really fantastic.

When you come to Speedy Romeo, you’ll order pizza because you’ll think you have to. But you’ll enjoy everything else you order, much more.

Bloody Mary

Mozarella Crostini – $16

THE GRAVLAX – $20
Grilled Dough, Fennel Cured Salmon, Ricotta, Red Onion, Capers, Lemon

Meatball Sandwich – $16
Pork & Veal Meatballs, Parmesan, Pecorino, Tomato Sauce, Italian Bread

I love LOVE Jules Bistro.

Like, I would Facebook stalk it, if I could. Maybe, constantly the check the last time it was “Active” and wonder why the HELL it hasn’t responded to any of my messages???

It’s the quintessential cozy French bistro which becomes just the right amount of lively at night. Some live jazz band is performing. You’re almost done with your second glass of wine. You’re nibbling on charcuterie.

You’re having a great time.

Here’s the thing. The food at these kinds of places doesn’t have to serve good food. They just need to serve booze. But they DO serve good food.

A few of us ordered the mussels and everyone enjoyed them, I believe. Not really sure, since I didn’t ask them as I did not remotely care about their meal.

I was too busy breaking my wine glass and chowing down on the truly excellent Demi-Poulet Roti. The roasted half chicken with mashed potatoes. Super simple but super tasty.

65 Saint Marks Pl
New York, NY 10003
East Village
(212) 477-5560
julesbistro.com

Live Jazz most nights

Charcuterie Plate – $23

Terrine de Campagne – $12

Moules Frites Jules (Mussels and fries) – $18.95

Demi-Poulet Roti – $25.00
Roasted organic half chicken, mashed potatoes, sautéed fennel, dry figs, natural jus.

The Frying Pan kind of reminds me of a floating frat party.

The drinks are served in plastic cups, the crowd is mostly 20-something dudes with a smattering of 20-something chicks. This is where I would list a third reason, but I can’t think of one. The first two are enough!

That being said, drinking on a boat is lovely! Well, more like a barge, in this case. There is a boat hitched to the barge, but I’ve never been on it. The majority of the seating and boozing space is located on a very large barge (marge).

The food can be tasty but nothing is all that special. Only eat here if you’re feeling too lazy to go somewhere else or you really need to sober up.

I did enjoy my fish and chips and the portion was pretty substantial.

The drinks are served to you at a lightning pace. Be ready with your money, because the servers will be finished before you can finish your drink order, and probably already sick of your shit. Get it together, man!

This place can get crazy crowded, so the Frying Pan folks are experts at getting through the line quickly. You will get whiplash, but that’s much better than waiting 15 minutes for your artisan mixology-ridden punch served in antique doll-house sized glasses.

The Frying Pan has a drink menu but nothing is curated or locally sourced. Or cheap. They’re just basic drinks that are just the right amount of boozy so you can deal with all the 20-somethings getting their happy hour on, all around you.

Pier 66 Maritime
New York, NY 10001
(212) 989-6363
fryingpan.com

Quinoa Salad

Fish and Chips

Lobster Roll

Cheeseburger

Perla Café makes a truly wonderful burger and a truly awful shrimp salad. Remember that, it will be a on a quiz later.

A few of my besties had just flown into town to help me celebrate my 40th birthday and one of the first (of many) food related stops we made was for lunch at Perla Café.

The lunch menu is sparse, to say the least. Nothing sounds very inspired. Nothing leap out of the page, gives you a proper slap in the face and shouts “Order me, bitch!”

The Brunch and Dinner menus are definitely where the fun is. There may be a few things that might slap you in the face, be warned.

The burger, as I had mentioned before was just wonderful. It comes with a delightful herb mayo and TATOR TOTS! For such a posh, elegant atmosphere, I really didn’t expect tots. Some kind of frites, perhaps. The tots were DELICIOUS and immediately devoured.

The Shrimp Salad was….flavorless…saltless..pointless. Did it even come with a dressing? Maybe just gross shrimp moisture.

It was like the owners only knew one thing for certain before opening Perla Café. And it involved the absolute necessity of having a Shrimp Salad somewhere on the menu, God dammit!

234 W 4th St
New York, NY 10014
b/t 10th St & Charles St
West Village
Phone number (212) 933-1824
perlanyc.com

CHICKEN
WHOLE-ROASTED FOR TWO: FOIE GRAS, BLACK TRUFFLE & BRIOCHE ACCOMPANIED BY RAMPS, LEEKS & POTATO ECRASE
89

I would be an a**hole to write a list of general complaints I have with fine dining establishments. Talk about First World Problems!

“The service was simply TOO prompt!”

“Upon my return from the bathroom, my napkin was refolded into an unpleasing shape!”

That being said, I’ll still be an a**hole and talk about one major pet peeve.

Why does the ritual of the servers laying down fresh cutlery have to be so achingly awkward??

No matter what fascinating subject matter I’m embroiled in with my fellow diner, once the waiter arrives with his trusty box of the kind of cutlery I’ll never splurge on, I abruptly halt all conversation as if the school principal just caught me with a cigarette!

I then hang my head in shame and utter not a word until the last shiny knife has been placed on the table.

I fully understand that a Michelin starred restaurant can’t let some dirty ass forks just chill out on their neatly pressed linens, but can’t we come up with an alternative?

I love the current trend of water bottles being left at the table so diners can guzzle to their heart’s delight.

And at your local BBQ joint, containers of all the napkins and cutlery you can hide in your jacket are at our disposal.

At fancy establishments you’re paying mostly for service. When you hand over $25 bucks for a few pieces of grilled romaine, you’re paying $24.50 for someone’s pretentious description of the lettuce and .50 cents for the actual produce.

At the start of the meal, you are presented with a incredible loaf of spring onion and potato bread. You’ll tell yourself you’ll just have one slice. Don’t even bother wasting your breath. You’ll eat the whole damn thing. It’s SO good.

The cocktails were wonderful. No tiny vintage glasses filled with two sips of weak, esoteric Italian liqueurs. These were boozy and significant.

Tonight, we focused on the specialty of the house. The famous roast chicken.

Now, this isn’t just your average rotisserie bird; hypnotically rotating and dripping torturously in front of you behind a grease splattered window like a culinary peep show.

This is truly pampered fowl. This chicken got a 2 hour massage with a happy ending before it came to your table.

You are presented with the full, untouched poultry ahead of time. Presented in all it’s glistening nude glory.

Then, they take it away and bring it back in two shifts.

First, you each get your own boob. The skin is dark and crispy and underneath is the magic. A layer of brioche bread crumbs mixed with foie gras and black truffle.

This chicken is truly the best I’ve ever had. Chicken this majestic needs a better name. Like squab is a fancy word for pigeon. Chicken needs it’s own highfalutin word! (Is highfalutin even a word??)

The next round is this wonderful casserole made with the shredded dark meat. I didn’t enjoy this as much as the breast, but it was still devoured gladly.

We started with a very light appetizer of Hamachi. While it’s pretty and tasty, it’s a bit steep at $25 and really almost like eating nothing. May as well ask for another loaf of the onion potato bread! “I don’t care if it’s only one loaf per table!!” you’ll shout at your server.

You’ll then be asked to quietly leave. When you refuse, they’ll offer you a loaf to shut you up. Stick with me folks, I know all the tricks.

1170 Broadway & 28th St
New York, NY 10001
Flatiron
(212) 796-1500
thenomadhotel.com

The cocktails were boozy perfection

BLINKER
RYE WHISKEY, ISLAY SCOTCH, GRAPEFRUIT, LIME, RASPBERRY

BEER COLLABORATIONS
WITH BROOKLYN BREWERY
‘LE POULET’: A BELGIAN-INSPIRED BROWN ALE THAT HAS BEEN CRAFTED BY GARRETT OLIVER OF BROOKLYN BREWERY TO ACCOMPANY THE NOMAD ROASTED CHICKEN (12oz DRAUGHT) – $8 Each

BROADWAY
RYE WHISKEY, VERMOUTH DI TORINO, BONAL, CYNAR, MARASCHINO LIQUEUR
17

Complimentary Spring Onion and Potato Bread

HAMACHI
MARINATED WITH KOMBU, BEETS & WASABI *
25

CHICKEN
WHOLE-ROASTED FOR TWO: FOIE GRAS, BLACK TRUFFLE & BRIOCHE ACCOMPANIED BY RAMPS, LEEKS & POTATO ECRASE
89

Each chicken breast was sliced off and served individually with grilled ramps.

The dark meat made into a chicken casserole of sorts.